Intro
Welcome to the first post of what is liable to be a fairly morbid description of my life. I find it somewhat ironic that broadcasting my every action to several million strangers is somehow theraputic, but it seems to work well enough for my purposes.
What did I do today? Very little - hell I didn't even get up until 4pm. That may seem a little odd, so I think some backstory would be helpful here: On Saturday, I was up at 9am in order to help paint a room. This room is part of my student radio station, which I run along with a girl named Antonia. The painting itself was reasonably uneventful, it was only once the painting finished that the story begins a stready downhill progression to where I am now. At about 6pm, when we had finished, a drink was suggested - this rapidly evolved into 2, 3 and then 4 drinks. By 8.30pm we decided we should probably head home, however, shortly before I reached my house, I recieved a phonecall from my housemates inviting me for a drink down the local pub - I accepted. Much, much later, after several more drinks, a walk home and some moderately edible pizza I made the fatal error - I picked up my mobile and decided to txt people. Not an inherently dangerous activity some of you may think - those of you who do have obviously never seen the consequences of drunken sms messages first hand. One particular text message was sent to the aforementioned Antonia - who is, in my humble opinion, a wonderful girl - and this is the one which causes the problem (Brighter readers may have already sussed out where this is going - please don't spoil it for the others). The contents of the message was not really that problematic in itself, while I was thoroughly wasted at the time my conveyed thoughts were entirely accurate, however, it was not the kind of message which I wanted to deliver to her via a drunken txt at 1 in the morning.
This brings us up to today and the realisation of what I had done. Right now I'm sitting here contemplating what to do tomorrow, when I am scheduled to meet up with her again to complete the painting work. Worse than that, I'm constantly running hypothetical situations through my head in an attempt to predict what will actually happen - something which is doing nothing to help the level of stress I'm currently under.
As I see it, there are 3 possible outcomes - win, lose and draw. In the 'win' situation, I discover that she feels the same way about me and we live happily ever after (to whatever an extent it is possible to do so these days). In the 'lose' situation, she lays into me (note the 'into') for whatever emotionally crippling reason and refuses to speak to me again. Finally, in the 'draw' situation, it transpires that while she doesn't feel the same way about me, she does still want to be friends.
I would happily settle for a win or a draw - my worry comes from the possibility of a loss, to be honest it's really not something I even want to contemplate - yet I've found myself doing exactly that on more than one occasion so far today. My hope is that getting my feelings out in the open is a good thing and that regardless of how she feels about me the honesty will keep our friendship together - otherwise I'm really not sure what the hell I'm going to do.
Aside from that open and seriously volatile chapter of my life, I also have my exams - or at least my exam - which is on wednesday. I had set aside today to start my hard core revision, but as you can probably imagine it dropped a little way down my priorities list after the events of last night. As tomorrow is a write-off anyway, that leaves me with a single day to rediscover my knowledge of Java and to learn the concepts and implementations of UML. To quote Bender from Futurama "I'm boned".
I really should be trying to get some sleep right now, it being 1:30am, however, I think that sleep of any form is going to be impossible tonight and as such I will no doubt be talking utter bollocks in further blog posts for the next few hours until I am required to get up and get into uni, where I shall learn a fascinating lesson about facing the consequences of my actions - which is nice.
Until my next spark of inspiration - or despair - I bid you farewell.
Spad.
What did I do today? Very little - hell I didn't even get up until 4pm. That may seem a little odd, so I think some backstory would be helpful here: On Saturday, I was up at 9am in order to help paint a room. This room is part of my student radio station, which I run along with a girl named Antonia. The painting itself was reasonably uneventful, it was only once the painting finished that the story begins a stready downhill progression to where I am now. At about 6pm, when we had finished, a drink was suggested - this rapidly evolved into 2, 3 and then 4 drinks. By 8.30pm we decided we should probably head home, however, shortly before I reached my house, I recieved a phonecall from my housemates inviting me for a drink down the local pub - I accepted. Much, much later, after several more drinks, a walk home and some moderately edible pizza I made the fatal error - I picked up my mobile and decided to txt people. Not an inherently dangerous activity some of you may think - those of you who do have obviously never seen the consequences of drunken sms messages first hand. One particular text message was sent to the aforementioned Antonia - who is, in my humble opinion, a wonderful girl - and this is the one which causes the problem (Brighter readers may have already sussed out where this is going - please don't spoil it for the others). The contents of the message was not really that problematic in itself, while I was thoroughly wasted at the time my conveyed thoughts were entirely accurate, however, it was not the kind of message which I wanted to deliver to her via a drunken txt at 1 in the morning.
This brings us up to today and the realisation of what I had done. Right now I'm sitting here contemplating what to do tomorrow, when I am scheduled to meet up with her again to complete the painting work. Worse than that, I'm constantly running hypothetical situations through my head in an attempt to predict what will actually happen - something which is doing nothing to help the level of stress I'm currently under.
As I see it, there are 3 possible outcomes - win, lose and draw. In the 'win' situation, I discover that she feels the same way about me and we live happily ever after (to whatever an extent it is possible to do so these days). In the 'lose' situation, she lays into me (note the 'into') for whatever emotionally crippling reason and refuses to speak to me again. Finally, in the 'draw' situation, it transpires that while she doesn't feel the same way about me, she does still want to be friends.
I would happily settle for a win or a draw - my worry comes from the possibility of a loss, to be honest it's really not something I even want to contemplate - yet I've found myself doing exactly that on more than one occasion so far today. My hope is that getting my feelings out in the open is a good thing and that regardless of how she feels about me the honesty will keep our friendship together - otherwise I'm really not sure what the hell I'm going to do.
Aside from that open and seriously volatile chapter of my life, I also have my exams - or at least my exam - which is on wednesday. I had set aside today to start my hard core revision, but as you can probably imagine it dropped a little way down my priorities list after the events of last night. As tomorrow is a write-off anyway, that leaves me with a single day to rediscover my knowledge of Java and to learn the concepts and implementations of UML. To quote Bender from Futurama "I'm boned".
I really should be trying to get some sleep right now, it being 1:30am, however, I think that sleep of any form is going to be impossible tonight and as such I will no doubt be talking utter bollocks in further blog posts for the next few hours until I am required to get up and get into uni, where I shall learn a fascinating lesson about facing the consequences of my actions - which is nice.
Until my next spark of inspiration - or despair - I bid you farewell.
Spad.
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