Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaayyy!

The end of the week - not that days of the week have any significant meaning this time of year - quite frankly I have a hard time telling when I am. Damn fine weather too, which in turn tends to lead to damn fine women wearing very little and lying in the sun. That ole exam thingie I had on wednesday was OK - far from brilliant but it was better than I expected, hopefully I passed it and I won't have to worry about any exams until I get my results on the 20th.

As for my personal life, well that's as confusing and generally irritating as it ever was. It seems no matter what I do, life manages to find some way to kick me in the arse - guess I'll just have to accept it and try and get on with things. Bah, I hate being so depressive all the time, it's just not fun.

Spad.

The End Is Nigh

Ah, 6:17am. That wonderful time when you realise that you've been up all night and you've got an exam in 3 hours. Not only that but you're still no closer to assimilating the information required to pass it. I'm trying to find some way to put a positive spin on this situation - silver lining and all that - but it's not easy to do. I know I've failed one of my modules (unless the global mark ranges are bought up by about 13%) and probably failed another (mathematically a pass is still possible) - that's two retakes - and I don't yet have the marks back for most of my modules this year. In other words I may well have totally fucked up the year, although I'm really hoping I haven't. Really, really hoping.

Nope, there's no silver lining in this cloud - and it's a fuck-off great big black one too. I have a terrible feeling that this week is rapidly snowballing its way towards hell - and we all know what happens when you mix metaphors after 21 hours without sleep.

Spad.

T-Minus Something or other...

UML. uml. uMl. It really doesn't matter how you write it, it's still fundamentally boring and I've got to learn it by 0930 tomorrow morning or I stand a fair chance of failing my EE2E exam, which would be a very bad thing indeed. At this point I could get all depressive and pessimistic, as is so often the case with these things, but that would require some form of effort and a change in my writing style. I don't think there was really much of a point to this post other than to bitch about my revision and impending exam failure - should I think of a decent reason then hell may well freeze over, just so you know in advance.

The cold, cold night

It's very late - actually it's very early, but I get very pissed off with people who are pedantic about the time. Quite simply, if it's dark and I haven't been to sleep, it's late.

I haven't eaten anything substantial since Saturday morning, in part due to a lack of anything reasonably edible in my fridge and in part because it's a bank holiday weekend and thus the bastards in Pronto (The uni shop) haven't restocked their shelves. As a result, combined with exam and relational stress, I'm feeling more than a little ill - in fact I intend to pass out in a few minutes. This is probably a bad thing, especially when I am going to have to spend all tomorrow learning the concepts of UML so as not to utterly fail my Wednesday exam in the same style as my last Friday exam.

In short, life sucks. Although, having said that, I suppose I have to consider that other people's lives suck too. Now whether this is supposed to make me feel better, I don't know - it tends to just make me more depressed as I realise that everyone's lives suck. On the other hand, if everyone's lives suck then we're all on an equal footing, which gives me at least a small chance of survival. I just hope that software support and talking utter bollocks are essential skills for coping with life - otherwise I'm a little fucked.

Spad.

Sober and Less Depressed - The Conclusion

Or at least some kind of thingie to bring everything together in a nice movie ending stylee.

Right, well after failing to get to sleep until around 4am, I wasn't expecting much but I somehow managed to get up when my alarm went off - quite possibly a first. I trundled into uni, having left my car there on Saturday thanks to copious alcohol consumption, and accidentally arrived 30 minutes early. This was something of a problem, as even after doing every little job I could find in the studio, I still had to kill the best part of 20 minutes. I was understandably bricking it at this point, however, it was apparently unwarranted as when Antonia finally turned up nothing was mentioned about the message I had sent.

The debate as to whether this is a good thing or not is still going on in my head. On the one hand it means that I'm not in the shit over what I said - at least I don't appear to be from the way today went. Conversly, it also means that I still don't have a clue about her feelings towards me - actually that's not true, I have a clue but I don't know the truth of it, which would be far more helpful. I suppose I should be greatful that this doesn't appear to have affected our friendship, but then perhaps it could have affected our friendship for the better.

In either case, I will be seeing her again on Friday, so I'll have to think long and hard about what I'm going to do. Life's a bitch, then everything hits the fan, then it all goes downhill and then you die.

On a largely unrelated note, I finally got around to seeing The Matrix: Reloaded - excellent film. I'm still undecided as to whether it beats the original, but I think they're different enough to avoid direct comparisons. To those of you who didn't think it advanced the storyline or that it focused to heavily on the action, you clearly didn't understand anything that was said during the architect scene. Roll on Revolutions.

Spad out.

A little about myself

As a brief addendum to my last (first) post, it occured to me that nobody knows who I am. Now this is probably nothing but a good thing, but still I feel compelled to tell you at least a little about myself in order to add context to some of my demented ramblings.

Very quickly then; My name is Adam, I'm a 20 year old 2nd year Computer Engineering student at Birmingham University:



In my spare time I run the university radio station with a lovely laydee named Antonia:



And the rest of the radio station committee:



When at home, during the holidays, I often partake in the odd pub crawl:



From the left: Me, Hughsie, Dan, Graham

I also piss about online a lot, which makes it slightly odd that it's taken me this long to start a blog. However, up until tonight, I had viewed such pages as largely egotistical - as if anyone would really care about what I do with my life. After the events of the last 2 days though, the world of blogging makes a compelling argument for stress relief. It makes no sense, but somehow airing your private life to random strangers on the internet makes you feel a lot better - even if they undoubtedly couldn't give a toss about you.

Either way, I'm not going to argue.

Spad.

Intro

Welcome to the first post of what is liable to be a fairly morbid description of my life. I find it somewhat ironic that broadcasting my every action to several million strangers is somehow theraputic, but it seems to work well enough for my purposes.

What did I do today? Very little - hell I didn't even get up until 4pm. That may seem a little odd, so I think some backstory would be helpful here: On Saturday, I was up at 9am in order to help paint a room. This room is part of my student radio station, which I run along with a girl named Antonia. The painting itself was reasonably uneventful, it was only once the painting finished that the story begins a stready downhill progression to where I am now. At about 6pm, when we had finished, a drink was suggested - this rapidly evolved into 2, 3 and then 4 drinks. By 8.30pm we decided we should probably head home, however, shortly before I reached my house, I recieved a phonecall from my housemates inviting me for a drink down the local pub - I accepted. Much, much later, after several more drinks, a walk home and some moderately edible pizza I made the fatal error - I picked up my mobile and decided to txt people. Not an inherently dangerous activity some of you may think - those of you who do have obviously never seen the consequences of drunken sms messages first hand. One particular text message was sent to the aforementioned Antonia - who is, in my humble opinion, a wonderful girl - and this is the one which causes the problem (Brighter readers may have already sussed out where this is going - please don't spoil it for the others). The contents of the message was not really that problematic in itself, while I was thoroughly wasted at the time my conveyed thoughts were entirely accurate, however, it was not the kind of message which I wanted to deliver to her via a drunken txt at 1 in the morning.

This brings us up to today and the realisation of what I had done. Right now I'm sitting here contemplating what to do tomorrow, when I am scheduled to meet up with her again to complete the painting work. Worse than that, I'm constantly running hypothetical situations through my head in an attempt to predict what will actually happen - something which is doing nothing to help the level of stress I'm currently under.

As I see it, there are 3 possible outcomes - win, lose and draw. In the 'win' situation, I discover that she feels the same way about me and we live happily ever after (to whatever an extent it is possible to do so these days). In the 'lose' situation, she lays into me (note the 'into') for whatever emotionally crippling reason and refuses to speak to me again. Finally, in the 'draw' situation, it transpires that while she doesn't feel the same way about me, she does still want to be friends.

I would happily settle for a win or a draw - my worry comes from the possibility of a loss, to be honest it's really not something I even want to contemplate - yet I've found myself doing exactly that on more than one occasion so far today. My hope is that getting my feelings out in the open is a good thing and that regardless of how she feels about me the honesty will keep our friendship together - otherwise I'm really not sure what the hell I'm going to do.

Aside from that open and seriously volatile chapter of my life, I also have my exams - or at least my exam - which is on wednesday. I had set aside today to start my hard core revision, but as you can probably imagine it dropped a little way down my priorities list after the events of last night. As tomorrow is a write-off anyway, that leaves me with a single day to rediscover my knowledge of Java and to learn the concepts and implementations of UML. To quote Bender from Futurama "I'm boned".

I really should be trying to get some sleep right now, it being 1:30am, however, I think that sleep of any form is going to be impossible tonight and as such I will no doubt be talking utter bollocks in further blog posts for the next few hours until I am required to get up and get into uni, where I shall learn a fascinating lesson about facing the consequences of my actions - which is nice.

Until my next spark of inspiration - or despair - I bid you farewell.

Spad.